Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
