you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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