Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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