She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
