now i know why i became what i already was.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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