His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Randomize
