i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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