If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
