make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
