You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
