I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
