ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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