I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize