I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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