If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
