Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
