Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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