I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
