Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
