I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
