I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
