I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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