You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
