I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
