and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize