Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
