I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
