your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize