jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
