Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
