i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
