Betty ford says i'm here all night
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
