Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
