Kiss
Puke
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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