I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
