I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize