I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
