im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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