i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
