In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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