That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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