I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
