Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
