could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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