Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
