Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
