Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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