No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
