Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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