i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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