I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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