No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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