I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Randomize
