I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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