hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
