Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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