the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
