so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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