Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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