WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize