"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
