"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
