I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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