I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize