every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
