You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
