Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
