we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
two words...techno handjob
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize