I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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