I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
