win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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