Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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