franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
