wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
