I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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