yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
