Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
