We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Randomize
