okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
