Soap is not a condiment
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i've created a new STD.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
