Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Do vagina's smell?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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