what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Couch. On fire.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize