update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
