Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
