My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
