Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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