Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
