I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
