Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
