woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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