yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize