I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize