Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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