i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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