I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize