feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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