I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize