theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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